I started to fall. I flailed my arms desperately trying to grab hold of anything. I came up empty. I didn't know what else to do, so I accepted my fate. It was stupid. I was stupid. Not paying attention to what I was doing and backed into a foot stool. I was moving fast enough that I couldn't stop my momentum. I wanted to save myself but knew after those few seconds, it wasn't meant to be. I was falling wrong, I couldn't correct it. I'd bend my neck wrong. I wouldn't survive. It's strange how calmly these thoughts filled my head. I was thankful that my daughter wasn't here to see me. But she would know soon enough. What would she do? How would her life turn out? What a stupid way to die. So careless and pointless. If only I'd slowed down. If only I'd watched where I was going. If only I hadn't been so distracted. If only I could turn back the time. Why? Why now? Why me? I'm not done with my life. Why?
I landed with a crack. I went numb instantly. For a moment I had hope. My phone. I reached for my pocket but couldn't move. It was right there. Suddenly it rang. I desperately tried to grab it. I yelled at it. No good. I sighed heavily. At least I think I did. I couldn't feel anything. I wanted to cry. Maybe I did, I couldn't feel it. How long would I lay here? My head was twisted back at an angle so I could see the couch and coffee table my daughter uses to write letters to pen pals, create works of art, do her school work, read books, sticker in her albums, play, eat and have fun.
Please don't let my daughter find me. Anyone else, but her. Please let her grow up healthy and happy. Please don't let her grief ruin that. Please help her find her path in life and live fully. Please don't let me die. I want to live. There's so much I still want to do and see. So much to experience. So much left undone. Why did I waste so much time? Why did I always think there would be another day, another chance? Just one more chance. Please.
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